1. Logic may be the beginning of wisdom, Valeris, but wisdom is seldom illogical.
2. The obvious exception to Rule #1 is the Holy Cross.
3. Prohibited informal fallacy: argumentam ad Fox Newsam — defined as assuming that because your opponent is arguing from a non-progressive viewpoint he necessarily only got it from watching a certain cable news network.
4. If you can’t tell the difference between a man and a woman, a man and a man, and a woman and a woman in a sexual relationship, you either need to retake basic biology or get a new prescription.
5. We don’t define the rule by the exception. Yes, this has the effect of undoing postmodern ethics, but deal with it. The existence, for example, of infertile couples does not negate the fact that procreation is an important part of marriage.
6. Just because this clever man Godwin postulated something about the use of Nazi/Hitler/Holocaust comparisons in online fora doesn’t mean there aren’t actually legitimate comparisons to be made when dealing with those who dehumanize others for their own benefit.
7. The science is never settled. Ever. The whole point of science is that if there are theories and laws, they are testable and repeatable. Don’t argue with someone who disagrees with you — since science is only a way to know things a posteriori, invite him to experiment and observe instead.
8. Self-righteous indignation is not argumentation.
9. Nothing in all existence is as intolerant as tolerance.
10. Mere acceptance of a behavior is not love.
11. The Bible is not a random list of sayings (like this list). There is a narrative, and certain writings were addressed to certain peoples at certain times. If you actually read the thing you’d see that. There’s a reason why Christians promote the moral law while eating shellfish and wearing blended fabrics; if you can’t even articulate why that is the case, don’t bother arguing for or against the Old Testament. This rule applies equally to secular progressives and conservative fundamentalists.
12. Car analogies are lame and overdone, just like a Toyota Corolla.
13. Historically speaking, bullying was a totally okay part of growing up, like breaking an arm or breaking up with a girlfriend, until quite recently. No one cared until it started happening to gay kids. So from all the weird kids, fat kids, nerds, and other outcasts — thanks for not caring. Arguments from the number of people being picked on still say nothing to the ethics of the subject.
14. If you want to argue that minute traces of a chemical are building up in our bodies and causing <ZOMGSUPERDISEASE!!!!1!> you had better be prepared to explain why your liver and kidneys stopped working.
15. The loudest and most passionate argument is not necessarily right.
16. Argumentum ad baculum is still possible when you hold little power, and it is still every bit as fallacious.
17. Whoever uses the word “Hater-Ade” automatically forfeits the argument.
18. Everyone is always trying to justify himself. Perhaps the wisest question in the whole scope of ethics is, “Why do you want to know?”
19. Calling me names doesn’t make your argument any stronger.
20. If you think the whole message of the gospels is radical tolerance and acceptance, you must have skipped where Jesus says exactly what He came to do: “The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and give His life as a ransom for the many” (St. Matthew 20:28).
Recently a group has sprung up on Facebook advocating that “the ordination of women should be publicly discussed in The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.” Many of you may not know that this issue is what finally drove me from the ELCA to the Missouri Synod. I read the LCMS rationale for their practice, and was impressed that it seemed to flow from Scripture, despite how increasingly unpopular it made them. I wanted to know what the ELCA’s rationale was for its practice, so I started asking around. At the time I was about to begin applying to one of their seminaries, so I thought I ought to take care of this issue right off the bat. To make a long story short, not even the systematics chair at their seminary could defend the practice from Scripture. I swam across the Mississippi River so fast I didn’t even get wet. But I find it sad that this professor could not make a good defense, especially because, after years of reading about it in print and online and following discussions such as the aforementioned Facebook page, I have discovered the secret to arguing in favor of women’s ordination.
