Recently a group has sprung up on Facebook advocating that “the ordination of women should be publicly discussed in The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.” Many of you may not know that this issue is what finally drove me from the ELCA to the Missouri Synod. I read the LCMS rationale for their practice, and was impressed that it seemed to flow from Scripture, despite how increasingly unpopular it made them. I wanted to know what the ELCA’s rationale was for its practice, so I started asking around. At the time I was about to begin applying to one of their seminaries, so I thought I ought to take care of this issue right off the bat. To make a long story short, not even the systematics chair at their seminary could defend the practice from Scripture. I swam across the Mississippi River so fast I didn’t even get wet. But I find it sad that this professor could not make a good defense, especially because, after years of reading about it in print and online and following discussions such as the aforementioned Facebook page, I have discovered the secret to arguing in favor of women’s ordination.
Step 1. Adopt Enthusiasm Early On
By this I do not mean what the term as come to mean, i.e., that you are passionate and excited. Here I intend the enthusiasm defined in the Smalcald Articles (III VIII 3ff). Of course, that same article staunchly condemns this idea, but hey, the Confessions are “living documents,” which means you’re totally free to disregard them when you need to. No, this enthusiasm is the one that says God the Holy Spirit tells you stuff apart from and before the Word.
Try this one: “God has given me all these gifts and He wants me to use them to glorify Him.” If you’re one of those stuck-up Missouri types, you might be inclined to object that Scripture doesn’t speak this way, but this objection is no problem for the Enthusiast. You know what God said because… well, you just do. And because God’s thoughts just popped into your head, no one can question them! But closely tied to this step is the next…
Step 2. Monasticism is Your Friend
I have to become a nun? Of course not! You want to bypass that entirely and be a priest, or maybe even the bishop. After all, the Kingdom of God is a hierarchy, and the closer you are to God in the organizational chart, the better. Why risk your salvation on staying a laywoman? Everyone knows that being a pastor is, like, a Get-Into-Heaven-Free card. And of course it goes without saying that pastors are by their very nature holier than anybody else, so don’t be stingy in pointing out that those mean Missourians are holding back all those goodies from thousands of women.
Think of the argument from Step 1. Not only do you have all these swell gifts, and you’d be just as good a pastor as any man, but you know the only way to use these gifts is to be a pastor. Remember: Only pastors are really serving God. Feel free to step on any other vocation in order to make that of pastor even higher — that’s what monasticism’s all about, remember? Fair warning: your pesky opponents might force their brainwashed wives into arguing along with them that they are content that they serve God “in their own vocations as wife and mother.” Whatever. No woman really thinks that way. The more you denigrate the vocations of wife and mother, the stronger your argument becomes. Bonus points for throwing stay-at-home mothers and homeschoolers under the bus as well.
One thing to remember: try to avoid too much talk of exactly what pastors are, what they do, and how they get to be pastors. Doubly so when engaging biblical texts on the matter (we’ll cover that in Step 3 in greater detail). Your new appreciation for monasticism reminds you that the pastor is just the guy in the church that God likes best, so feel free to point out how Jesus seemed to hold women in high regard. Holding women in high regard = He wants them to be pastors. Your opponent won’t understand what that argument means, but hey, he’s probably a man. Remember how Yahweh said in the Old Testament, “I like Levi best, so his sons can be priests, but I hold all the other tribes in lower regard, so none of them gets anything special — especially Judah.” It’s somewhere in one of those long boring lists of names.
Step 3. Two Words: Higher Criticism
This step is probably remedial for you, but if it isn’t, you’ll need to understand how higher criticism works. Don’t worry, it’s really easy. You already know what God is like, right? He’s a lot like you. So throw out all the times when God (or Jesus) does or says something you know He wouldn’t, throw out all the commands that you know God wouldn’t really have made, and definitely throw out all the events you just know couldn’t really have happened. When’s the last time you saw a blind man see again without millions of dollars worth of surgery? I thought so.
But what does this have to do with women’s ordination? Well, remember, your opponents are basically knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing fundies with academic credentials only slightly higher than Oral Roberts — so they’re going to be using the Bible as a crutch. They can quote the Bible all day long, but remember they approach it like total simpletons and take it at face value. You know better. You know what Jesus is really like (see Step 1), and He was all about radical inclusion. Again, your opponent will have no idea what that means, but you know it means He totally wants women pastors. They might bring up the fact that Jesus didn’t actually bother to make a woman a pastor during His earthly ministry, but you can just counter by thinking of the name of a woman in the Bible and claiming she was really a pastor.
Oh, and don’t forget the value of the New Perspective on Paul. Jesus was the radical inclusivist who wanted everyone to be happy and get along and never said a mean word to anyone, but then Paul came along and gave the church that nasty mean streak. Learn it well, because your opponents will be quoting Paul. A lot.
Step 4. Argumentum ad Misericordiam
Lastly, never underestimate the power of an argument from your own personal suffering. After all, you have a husband, parents, children, neighbors, coworkers, and fellow citizens, but there’s no one for you to serve until those meanies let you be a pastor. Be sure to include as much detail about your own suffering over this as possible. Remind everyone how you feel like you’re on the outside because they won’t let you in. Remind everyone about how many great gifts you have that can only be used if you were wearing a collar. What a burden that must be. Oh, and feel free to inflate the number of fellow sufferers there might be.
There’s much more that could be said, but that should give you a good start.
Posted by Paul T. McCain (@paultmccain) on January 6, 2012 at 8:30 am
Well done, sir.
Posted by MARK HUNTEMANN on January 6, 2012 at 9:28 am
dit·to/ˈditō/
Used in accounts and lists to indicate that an item is repeated (often indicated by ditto marks under the word or figure to be repeated).
Used to indicate that something already said is applicable a second time.
Posted by jim claybourn on January 6, 2012 at 8:50 am
Very well done!
You need to get the issues,etc link on here and let them know about your blog. This could easily win “blog of the week”!.
Posted by R. Fisher on January 7, 2012 at 6:09 pm
Yes, excellent analysis, but it should also be remembered – this is a microscopic group of people. They are desperate for exposure and we should be careful not to give them more attention than they deserve. Might be best to let it die, although this analysis is useful.
Posted by MARK HUNTEMANN on January 17, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Unfortunately you are sadly mistaken.
This is a Gateway drug..
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/septemberweb-only/135-31.0.html
How the ELCA Left the Great Tradition for Liberal Protestantism
There is no authoritative biblical or theological guidance in the church. There are only many voices.
Robert Benne | posted 9/02/2009 09:21AM
Posted by MeToo on January 6, 2012 at 9:10 am
I heard “Bishop” Katherine Schori interviewed on Issues, Etc. yesterday. She has a PhD in Oceanography. Perhaps that is why her theology sounds a little “fishy.”
Posted by SEsterline on January 6, 2012 at 9:22 am
Thank you for posting this… I would love to see you tackle “Homosexual Marriage Rights” in the same manner as you have here!
Posted by Benjamin P. Glaser on January 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm
When I was a Ministerial candidate in the PC(USA) it was a Prof’s examination of the Biblical case against Homosexual Ordination that led me to the understanding why Women’s Ordination did not have any biblical foundation. It immediately popped into my mind that the same hermeneutic was being used to justify ordaining homosexuals that was being used to justify women’s ordination.
Posted by Rev. Daniel A. Hinton on January 6, 2012 at 2:47 pm
And I think the last 50 years of church history totally vindicate your conclusion — where goes one, the other soon follows.
Posted by Natalie on January 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm
Here’s a perfect example of what you are talking about…enthusiasm, higher criticism, etc…in all it’s “glory”…
http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/01/06/my-lesbian-daughter-bible-and-sex/
Posted by Ken H on January 6, 2012 at 9:23 am
Well done, Dan! See you on the 15th…
Posted by David Magruder on January 6, 2012 at 9:26 am
Brilliant, Daniel!
Posted by Fr Chris Larimer on January 6, 2012 at 9:43 am
THIS!
Posted by AJ on January 6, 2012 at 10:16 am
Obviously very humorous and witty, but I hope that people with serious questions on this subject don’t stumble on this post and think that LCMS’ers are a bunch of condescending simpletons who don’t take these questions seriously.
Posted by Rev. Daniel A. Hinton on January 6, 2012 at 10:26 am
Well, I take this question seriously, but I can’t take those arguments seriously. If the authority cited is something other than Scripture, it can’t be a serious argument in the Church.
Posted by LCMS with Questions on January 6, 2012 at 10:42 am
Interestingly, that is exactly what I thought. This isn’t a good article to find when you’re looking for actual thoughts on the subject.
Posted by MARK HUNTEMANN on January 6, 2012 at 11:26 am
Oh yes it is!
English Standard Version (©2001)
For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions,
“Did God really say,
“Did God actually say,
‘Is it true that God hath said,
Posted by Bradley Heinecke on January 6, 2012 at 11:25 am
You really miss the point. He is not trying in a blog to prove the point against women’s ordination in a few short paragraphs. He is poking fun at the goofy proofs that are used for ordination rather than the pure Word of God from which our theology flows. Thanks Dan for pointing out in a very simple way the faulty reasoning that is out and about in our church and in the world.
Posted by Rev. Daniel A. Hinton on January 6, 2012 at 10:54 am
If you’re looking for a substantive argument, it really can’t be done very well on a blog. There is a book out that, in my opinion, is the definitive work on the issue: Women Pastors?, published by Concordia Publishing House. You can purchase a copy here: http://www.cph.org/p-19258-women-pastors-third-edition.aspx or find it on amazon.com’s Kindle store. It is worth every penny and every minute spent reading it. If you have questions, they take on nearly every argument made for women’s ordination and respond with solid exegesis right from Scripture.
Posted by Fr Chris Larimer on January 6, 2012 at 11:13 am
Wayne Grudem’s Evangelical Feminism and Biblical Truth does the same thing: solid exegesis and knocks the wind out of every argument published in the years leading up to its own imprint. It’s available for free at the website of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.
http://www.cbmw.org/Evangelical-Feminism-and-Biblical-Truth-Online
Posted by MARK HUNTEMANN on January 17, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Bigger and Better Than Ever: Women Pastors? The Ordination of Women in Biblical Lutheran Perspective – Third Edition is Coming Soon
http://cyberbrethren.com/2012/01/06/bigger-and-better-than-ever-women-pastors-the-ordination-of-women-in-biblical-lutheran-perspective-third-edition-is-coming-soon/
This issue is not going away! Ignore it a your Church’s peril.
Posted by rev. a. eckert on January 6, 2012 at 10:56 am
great article. but am i wrong to like the feather boa?
Posted by Fr Chris Larimer on January 6, 2012 at 11:14 am
Prego te absolvo?
Posted by rev. a. eckert on January 6, 2012 at 11:22 am
um, is that “I pray you to absolve you?” or “The pregnant woman absolves you?”
Posted by MARK HUNTEMANN on January 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Prego (from the Italian for “You’re welcome!”)
Posted by tdmoeller on January 6, 2012 at 11:51 am
Its absolution by spaghetti sauce… heh.
Posted by pastorhering on January 8, 2012 at 5:58 pm
Yes, Andrew, you are. But we are not surprised.
Posted by Dalas on January 6, 2012 at 11:56 am
Yup, my husband brainwashed me into thinking that I’m happy being a stay at home wife and mother… in fact I don’t think I had an oppinion on anything before I met him. And I also don’t remember thinking to myself at all when we starting dating that perhaps getting married would get me out of all the college/career stuff I hated so much… yeah… I’m just brainwashed I think.
Posted by A Missourian in AD exile on January 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm
We cannot forget that it was women who were at the tomb on Easter morning first! (This is the beloved argument of those in the Atlantic District when they are defending their deacon program that includes women, and their practice of allowing women to be communion servers.)
Posted by Rev. Daniel A. Hinton on January 6, 2012 at 1:24 pm
I love that argument:
1. Women were the first to the tomb.
2. ???
3. Therefore, they should be pastors.
Posted by MARK HUNTEMANN on January 17, 2012 at 1:15 pm
A friend of mine said:
“It could be a matter of concern that in attempting to promote Mary Magdalene, and Joanna, and Mary the mother of James, and other women, the method you have chosen inadvertently demotes them. The method you have chose to promote them is ordination. Does this promote or demote them?
The 11 were ordained. Christ commissioned them to go out in public and preach the gospel of the kingdom, and to perform those miracles that the prophets had said would happen when the kingdom would be inaugurated, to attest their preaching. That’s ordination.
Now, what Christ commissioned these women to do — and it was Christ, and it was a commission — was preach the gospel to the ordained apostles. By turning their commission into ordination, your method actually loses much of the promotion that Christ granted to them. By making their case general, you have sapped it of is speciality. The whole vigor and drama of it is too far tamed and housebroken.
Which would astonish you more: were Christ to commission you to preach the gospel publicly, or were Christ to commission you to preach privately to the Apostles? Which entails the greater promotion?
The Lord’s ideas of honor and shame are quite different from ours. Those women saw no promotion in their commision, though it was an oustanding one. They simply, for joy at the resurrection, heeded the commission of Christ for no reason but that it was the commission of Christ, a consideration that I fear is hardly in view in these current attempts to promote in man’s eyes rather than God’s.”
http://steadfastlutherans.org/?p=16481
Posted by Jasmine Zerbe-Moore on January 12, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Hey, let’s not confuse deacons with pastors. Deacon is a legitimate (and scriptural!) post for a woman (provided we’re still talking about the duties given in scripture for decons). Communion server? No. Pastor? No. But Deaconess? Sure.
Posted by How to Argue for Women’s Ordination « Authentic Frontier Gibberish | The Old Mill on January 6, 2012 at 2:16 pm
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Posted by Higher criticism, in a nutshell | The Old Mill on January 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm
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Posted by pastorhering on January 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Peter sank in the Sea of Galilee and denied Jesus three times because of his little faith.
Peter was a man–I think.
Therefore, men should not be pastors.
Posted by Rev. Daniel A. Hinton on January 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Well played. Well played indeed.
Posted by Alex on January 8, 2012 at 1:03 am
i thought he was a rabbit
Posted by pastorhering on January 8, 2012 at 6:01 pm
You siwwy wascow, you.
Posted by Fariborz Marashi on January 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm
I find “authentic frontier gibberish” to be an adequate description of this post.
Posted by David McElroy on January 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Todd Read this to me as I was listening online. Congrats on Blog of the week selection.
Posted by Anna R Carson on January 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm
Sola scriptura! If man should neither add nor subtract, why should woman?
Posted by Joseph T on January 6, 2012 at 7:01 pm
I shared this on my Facebook, and a friend replied with this:
Those are arguments the LCMS thinks that the ELCA uses. I haven’t heard any of those arguments actually used. Instead, I hear Biblically based arguments – see pgs 8-13 of the pdf found here: http://www.elca.org/What-We-Believe/Social-Issues/Journal-of-Lutheran-Ethics/Issues/December-2009/Documents-Relating-to-Ordination-of-Women-in-the-LCA.aspx
How would you all respond to this article?
(Be sure to read the PDF file it was a bit confusing at first)
Posted by 1cor6eleven on January 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Admittedly, part of the reason for posting the arguments was obviously to poke a bit of ironic fun at OWN. Humor, however, has its roots in reality. This post is ironic and humorous because these arguments are indeed used by the ELCA, often quite blatantly. A quick reading of the links your friend offered was all that was necessary to find everyone of these arguments present in the ELCA documents, albeit in a somewhat refined form.
Posted by Scott Jensen on January 7, 2012 at 1:58 am
I like the witty discuion. Thanks for sharing this wonderful blog.
Posted by CK on January 11, 2012 at 8:51 am
Points for cleverness. Many people (both men and women) actually have done a lot of research–biblical, historical, social–into the issue of female pastors. Before people write off the whole thing off as a bunch of women whining about not getting enough points in heaven, I hope they’ll take a good look at that perspective. You can find a lot of resources here: http://www.cbeinternational.org.
Posted by Mark Huntemann on January 18, 2012 at 8:28 am
“Before people write off the whole thing off as a bunch of women whining about not getting enough points in heaven, I hope they’ll take a good look at that perspective. You can find a lot of resources here: http://www.cbeinternational.org.”
Going………………….. Going……………….. GONE!
http://www.cbmw.org/Evangelical-Feminism-and-Biblical-Truth-Online
Posted by ucah on January 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm
Clever post. And thanks for reminding us to value those who make a vocation of being a mother or wife! Acutally, a lot of people (both men and women!) have done indepth research into the biblical argument for allowing women to serve as pastors in the church. I hope you will check out those arguments before tossing the whole issue out. You can find a bunch of good resources here: http://www.cbeinternational.org.
Posted by Mark Huntemann on January 18, 2012 at 8:23 am
“I hope you will check out those arguments before tossing the whole issue out. ”
Going……… Going…………. GONE!
http://cyberbrethren.com/2012/01/06/bigger-and-better-than-ever-women-pastors-the-ordination-of-women-in-biblical-lutheran-perspective-third-edition-is-coming-soon/
Posted by Mark Huntemann on January 18, 2012 at 10:23 am
GAME OVER